Certainly! Most parents can relate to the joy of baby snuggles, but there are moments when you need to free up your hands. It can be challenging and exhausting to hear your baby cry when you need to attend to other tasks.
Your baby might sleep peacefully while being rocked, but wake up and fuss when laid in their crib. Similarly, they might protest when placed on their playmat while you attend to necessary activities like using the bathroom or preparing a meal.
There are various reasons why babies prefer being held and cry when put down, such as separation anxiety, discomfort, or adapting to a new environment. Here are some strategies to soothe your baby when you can’t hold them and help them become more comfortable with being apart from you.
Your newborn may cry when put down for several reasons:
- Need for closeness: Newborns crave closeness to their caregivers, as they are accustomed to the comfort of the womb and the soothing rhythm of your heartbeat. Being held provides them with a sense of security and familiarity, fulfilling their innate need for physical contact.
- Desire for comfort: The warmth and reassurance of being held offer comfort to newborns, especially during times of uncertainty or discomfort. Your presence provides a sense of safety and stability, easing their transition into the outside world.
- Attachment development: Close contact with caregivers is crucial for newborns to form secure attachments, which are essential for their social and emotional development. By holding your baby, you are nurturing their sense of trust and building the foundation for healthy relationships in the future.
They startle
Overall, your newborn’s cries when put down may stem from their instinctual need for closeness and comfort, as well as their natural inclination to form bonds with you, their primary caregiver.
Newborns often experience a startle reflex, also known as the Moro reflex. This reflex prompts them to fling out their arms and legs and arch their backs in response to sudden movements or noises. The startle reflex can startle sleeping babies awake, leading to crying or fussiness. While this reflex is a normal part of newborn development, it may frighten some babies.
The startle reflex is one of several innate reflexes present in newborns, including sucking and rooting reflexes. Typically, the startle reflex diminishes as babies grow and develop, and it usually disappears by around 2 months of age.
They’re going through a fussy period
Babies cry for various reasons, and sometimes they may go through a fussy period that can be challenging for both the baby and the parent. Here are some common aspects of this phase:
- Individual temperament and age: Every baby is unique, and their temperament and age can influence how much they cry and for how long. Newborns, in particular, may seem to cry frequently, often without an apparent reason.
- Colic and “purple crying”: Some babies experience colic, which involves excessive crying that typically peaks around 6 weeks of age. Additionally, many babies exhibit a lot of fussiness and crying from about 2 weeks to 3 or 4 months old, a period often referred to as “purple crying.” This term originates from the acronym PURPLE, representing characteristics of this phase such as peak crying, resistance to soothing, and evening fussiness.
- Challenges in soothing: During these weeks, it can be challenging to calm your baby, and they may cry for several hours a day regardless of your efforts. Some babies may be particularly fussy in the evening, leading to what is sometimes called the “baby witching hour.”
- Parental stress: The period of PURPLE crying can be emotionally taxing for parents, especially when they struggle to identify the cause of their baby’s distress. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or frustrated by your baby’s crying, it’s important to prioritize your own well-being. Placing your baby in a safe environment, such as their crib, and taking a moment to compose yourself can be beneficial for both you and your baby.
Remember that this phase is temporary, and with time, your baby’s crying patterns may change as they continue to grow and develop. If you’re concerned about your baby’s crying or if it persists for an extended period, don’t hesitate to reach out to your healthcare provider for support and guidance.
Why does my older baby cry or scream when put down?
Older babies may also resist being put down for various reasons:
Separation Anxiety
Around 8 or 9 months old, babies commonly begin to experience separation anxiety. By this age, they’ve formed attachments to their caregivers and understand object permanence – the concept that people and objects continue to exist even when out of sight.
Separation anxiety is a normal developmental phase and indicates a secure attachment with your baby. However, it can feel overwhelming. To ease separation anxiety, try short “practice” sessions apart. Place your baby in a safe spot, tell them you’ll be back soon, and step out of sight for a few seconds. Gradually increase the duration of your absence. Over time, your baby will learn they are safe when you’re gone and that you always return.
Inability to Self-Soothe
Many babies enjoy being held and rocked or fed to sleep. While some easily transition to their own sleeping space, others wake up when put down and have difficulty self-soothing or falling back asleep. Learning to self-soothe is a gradual process and may come more naturally to some babies than others. You can assist in this learning by establishing a consistent bedtime routine and putting your baby down drowsy but awake.
How to Get Your Baby to Stop Crying When You Put Them Down
Here are a few strategies to help your little one feel more comfortable and reduce crying when you need to put them down:
Swaddle Them Swaddling can soothe many newborns by wrapping them snugly in a thin blanket. This method mimics the coziness of the womb and reduces the likelihood of the startle reflex waking your baby.
Wear Your Baby Using a baby carrier can replicate the womb-like experience. Many babies enjoy being held close in a carrier, and the movement can soothe them to sleep. Plus, it allows you to have your hands free for other tasks.
Try a Bouncer or Swing If your baby cries when placed on a play mat, consider using a bouncer or swing. The back-and-forth motion of these devices often comforts babies and can give you a needed break.
Ask for Help While cuddling a newborn is one of the joys of parenting, you sometimes need to put your baby down to take care of yourself. Reach out to friends and family for help. They can watch your baby while you rest or shower.
Sleep Training for Older Babies By about six months old, most babies are developmentally ready to learn self-soothing skills and sleep independently. You can use a sleep training method to help your baby learn to sleep on their own. There are several methods to choose from, depending on your baby’s temperament and your personal preferences.
