What Is Bonding?
Bonding is the profound connection that forms between parents and their baby. This deep attachment drives parents to shower their baby with love, protection, and care. It’s what compels them to wake up in the middle of the night to feed their hungry baby and to be responsive to their baby’s varied cries.
Although scientists continue to study bonding, they have established that the strong ties between parents and their child serve as the baby’s initial model for close relationships, fostering a sense of security and positive self-esteem. Parents’ attentiveness to their baby’s signals can significantly influence the child’s social and cognitive development.
Why Is Bonding Important?
Bonding is crucial for a baby’s development. Studies of newborn monkeys raised with mannequin mothers reveal that even when these mannequins were soft and provided food, the baby monkeys fared better socially when they had live mothers to interact with. Those raised with mannequins were more prone to despair. Scientists suspect that a lack of bonding in human babies can lead to similar issues.
While most infants are ready to bond immediately, parents might have mixed feelings. Some parents feel a strong connection right after birth, while for others, it may take a little longer.
However, bonding is a gradual process, not something that happens instantly or only within a specific timeframe after birth. For many parents, bonding develops naturally through daily caregiving. You may not even realize it’s happening until your baby smiles at you, filling you with love and joy.
How Do Babies Bond?
As a new parent, it might take some time to understand your newborn and how to interact with them:
- Touch becomes an early form of communication, with skin-to-skin contact soothing both you and your baby while promoting healthy growth and development.
- Eye contact offers meaningful communication at close range.
- Tracking movement: Babies can follow moving objects with their eyes.
- Imitation: Your baby will try early on to mimic your facial expressions and gestures.
- Vocal preference: Babies prefer human voices and begin vocalizing as their first attempt at communication. They often enjoy listening to your conversations and descriptions of their activities and surroundings.
What Can Help Make an Attachment?
Bonding with your baby is one of the most rewarding aspects of infant care. You can start by gently cradling, rocking, or stroking your baby. When both parents frequently hold and touch the baby, the little one will soon recognize and differentiate between their touches. Skin-to-skin contact, such as holding the baby against your skin while feeding or cuddling, also helps in forming this bond.
Babies, especially those born prematurely or with medical issues, may respond well to infant massage. Since babies are delicate, massage should be gentle. It’s essential to learn the proper techniques before attempting infant massage, and resources like books, videos, and classes are available to help.
Feeding times, whether breastfeeding or bottle-feeding, offer natural opportunities for bonding. Babies respond to the smell, touch, and attentiveness of their parents during feeding. Even if immediate contact isn’t possible right after birth, bonding can still develop over time.
Adoptive parents might worry about bonding with their baby, but adopted babies and their parents can bond just as deeply as biological parents and their children.
Bonding With the Other Parent
Dads and other partners often desire closer contact with their babies, though bonding might occur on a different timeline. They should remember that bonding isn’t about replicating the mother’s role. Many dads develop a special connection through unique activities with their baby, and both parents benefit from supporting each other.
Early bonding activities for dads include:
- Participating in labor and delivery
- Feeding (breast or bottle), especially during nighttime feedings and diaper changes
- Reading or singing to the baby
- Bathing the baby
- Mirroring the baby’s movements
- Mimicking the baby’s cooing and other sounds
- Using a baby carrier during daily activities Letting the baby feel different textures, such as dad’s facial hair.
Building a Support System
Caring for a newborn can be exhausting, particularly for breastfeeding mothers. Bonding becomes easier when parents aren’t overwhelmed by other household responsibilities. It helps if dads or partners take on tasks like housework, meals, and laundry, as well as provide emotional support.
It’s also okay to ask family and friends for help in the days or weeks after bringing the baby home. However, since having others around during this transitional period can sometimes be overwhelming, you might prefer to ask for specific help, such as delivering meals, walking the dog, or running errands.
What Can Affect Bonding?
Several factors can delay bonding. Parents may have preconceived notions about their baby’s physical and emotional traits, and the reality might require an adjustment. A baby’s face, being the primary tool of communication, plays a vital role in bonding and attachment.
Hormones can also impact bonding. Feeding a baby in the first hours of life can help with bonding and trigger various hormones in mothers. However, some mothers may struggle to bond if they’re dealing with hormonal fluctuations or postpartum depression. Exhaustion and pain after a challenging delivery can also delay bonding.
If your baby spends time in intensive care, the medical equipment might initially be intimidating. However, bonding remains crucial. The hospital staff can assist you in interacting with your baby, even through the isolette (a special bassinet). As your baby becomes ready, the staff will help you hold your little one. In the meantime, you can spend time watching, touching, and talking to your baby, who will soon recognize your voice and touch.
Nurses will guide you in bathing and feeding your baby, and if you’re using expressed breast milk, they can help you transition to breastfeeding before your baby goes home. Some intensive care units also offer rooming-in to ease the transition before you take your baby home.
What if There’s a Problem?
If you’re not feeling bonded with your baby by the time of their first doctor visit, it’s essential to discuss your concerns. It could be a sign of postpartum depression. Bonding may also be delayed if your baby has had unexpected health issues or if you’re feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.
Identifying and addressing these issues early is vital. Healthcare providers are experienced in handling these situations and can offer support to help you bond with your baby.
It can also be helpful to share your feelings with other new parents and seek out parenting classes for parents of newborns.
What Else Should I Know?
Bonding is a complex, personal process that takes time. There is no set formula, and it cannot be rushed. A baby whose basic needs are being met will not suffer if the bond isn’t strong at first. As new parents grow more comfortable with their baby and routines become more predictable, they’ll gain confidence in all the incredible aspects of raising their little one.