Temper tantrums are a common and natural part of childhood development. Rather than viewing them as disasters, parents can see tantrums as opportunities for teaching and guiding their children.
Why Do Kids Have Tantrums?
Tantrums typically occur in children aged 1 to 3 and can range from mild whining to more intense outbursts, such as screaming, kicking, and even breath-holding. These episodes are a normal part of development and are more frequent during the second year of life when toddlers are developing language skills and a sense of independence.
Children have tantrums for various reasons, including fatigue, hunger, discomfort, or frustration. They may also occur when a child wants something they can’t have or when they can’t get others to do what they want. Since young children are still learning to communicate and manage their emotions, they often express their frustration through tantrums.
How Can We Avoid Tantrums?
While it’s impossible to prevent all tantrums, there are strategies that can help reduce their frequency:
- Give Positive Attention: Praise your child for positive behaviors. Be specific, such as, “I like how you shared your toys” or “Thank you for using your manners.”
- Offer Choices: Let your child make small decisions, like choosing between two snacks or selecting which book to read before bed. This gives them a sense of control.
- Keep Off-Limits Items Out of Sight: Avoid power struggles by keeping tempting but forbidden items out of reach.
- Distract and Redirect: If your child is getting frustrated, offer a new activity or change the environment to prevent a tantrum.
- Encourage Skill Development: Help your child succeed in simple tasks and praise their efforts, building their confidence and reducing frustration.
- Pick Your Battles: If your child’s request isn’t unreasonable, consider allowing it. Flexibility can sometimes prevent unnecessary conflicts.
- Know Your Child’s Limits: Avoid situations that could trigger a tantrum, like running errands when your child is tired or hungry.
What Should I Do During a Tantrum?
During a tantrum, it’s important to stay calm. How you handle a tantrum depends on its cause:
- Comfort: If your child is tired or hungry, address these needs with a nap or snack.
- Ignore: If the tantrum is a bid for attention or occurs after a refusal, sometimes the best response is to ignore it. Redirect your child’s focus to another activity once they’ve calmed down.
- Set Boundaries: If the tantrum occurs because your child doesn’t want to do something they must do, like getting dressed, it’s best to stay firm but calm. Once they calm down, have them complete the task.
- Ensure Safety: If your child is at risk of hurting themselves or others, move them to a quiet, safe place until they calm down.
- Use Time-Outs: For repeated safety violations, a brief time-out may be necessary.
What Should I Do After a Tantrum?
Once the tantrum is over, it’s essential to reinforce positive behavior:
- Praise Self-Control: Acknowledge your child’s ability to calm down, such as, “I’m proud of how you settled down.”
- Provide Comfort: Reassure your child that they are loved, even when they’ve had a tough moment.
- Discuss Alternatives: If your child is old enough, talk about how they could have expressed their feelings differently.
- Ensure Enough Sleep: Adequate sleep can prevent tantrums by reducing irritability and improving mood.
When Should I Call the Doctor?
Consider consulting your doctor if:
- You frequently feel overwhelmed by tantrums.
- You find yourself giving in to avoid tantrums.
- Tantrums cause significant tension in your family.
- The frequency, intensity, or duration of tantrums increases.
- Your child harms themselves or others during tantrums.
- Your child is frequently uncooperative or argumentative.
Tantrums are usually not a cause for concern and tend to decrease as children mature and develop better communication and coping skills. With patience and consistency, tantrums can be managed effectively, leading to a happier and more peaceful home.