Telling Your Child a Family Member Has a Serious Illness

Telling Your Child a Family Member Has a Serious Illness

Supporting Your Child When a Family Member is Seriously Ill

When a family member is seriously ill, children can be deeply affected. It’s important to approach the situation with care to help them understand and cope. Here’s how you can guide your child through this challenging time:

How Should I Have the First Talk?

  1. Choose the Right Time: Find a calm, quiet time to talk when you won’t be rushed. Avoid discussing the illness at bedtime, as it might disrupt their sleep.
  2. Be Honest and Direct: Even if you don’t have all the details, it’s important to be truthful. Kids can sense when something is wrong and being open helps them feel informed and secure.

What Should I Say?

  1. Explain the Basics: Share basic information about the illness, such as its name, the affected body parts, and the general treatment plan. Adjust the complexity based on their age and maturity.
  2. Support Their Emotions: Validate their feelings. If they’re scared or sad, acknowledge their emotions. For example, “I see that you’re feeling scared, and that’s OK. I’m here with you.”
  3. Share Your Feelings: It’s helpful for children to know how you’re coping. If you’re taking positive steps to handle the situation, mention them. This can give your child ideas on managing their own feelings.
  4. Age-Appropriate Explanations: Tailor your explanation to their age:
    • Early Grade School: Keep it simple. For instance, “Mommy is sick and needs to stay in the hospital. The doctors are helping her get better.”
    • Older Kids: Explain the seriousness of the illness without overwhelming details. Clarify the role of healthcare professionals and how it differs from minor illnesses.
    • Teens: They often need more information. Reassure them that they will be updated and advise them to avoid searching online for potentially distressing information.
  5. Encourage Expression: Allow children to express their feelings through drawings, writing, or other creative outlets. Encourage them to find healthy coping mechanisms like breathing exercises or physical activity.

What Else Can Help?

  1. Discuss Changes and Constants: Explain what aspects of their routine will remain the same and what might change. Reassure them that the family’s love and support will continue.
  2. Involve Them in Helping: Giving children tasks to contribute can provide them with a sense of control. Younger kids might make cards or draw pictures, while older kids could help with household chores or look after siblings.
  3. Maintain Routine: Stick to regular routines as much as possible. Routine helps children feel secure and grounded.
  4. Provide Support Resources: Let your child know about available support systems, including family members, friends, teachers, or school counselors. Support groups or specialized camps for kids dealing with serious illness in the family can also be beneficial.
  5. Monitor for Stress: Watch for signs of stress such as changes in behavior, sleep issues, or excessive worry. If these symptoms persist, seek help from a doctor or a behavioral health professional.

By maintaining open communication, providing emotional support, and ensuring stability, you can help your child navigate the difficulties of a family member’s serious illness with resilience and understanding.