Many children exhibit habits that can be quite irritating. Four of the most frequent ones are:
- nail biting
- hair twirling
- nose picking
- thumb sucking
Even though these habits may concern or frustrate you, stay calm. Typically, a habit is simply a stage in the normal developmental process and is not a reason for concern.
What’s a Habit?
A habit is a repeated pattern of behavior that the child typically isn’t even aware of. While kids may remain blissfully unaware of their habits, their parents are often quite the opposite.
If your child frequently has one hand in their mouth and the other tangled in their hair, don’t be surprised: Habits often occur in clusters.
Here’s a closer look at the most common habits among kids and teens:
Nail Biting
If you’re familiar with nails chewed down to the nub, you’re not alone. Nail biting or picking is one of the most prevalent childhood habits. An estimated 30% to 60% of kids and teens chew on one or more fingernails. Occasionally, a child may even bite their toenails.
Both boys and girls are equally prone to this habit in their younger years. However, as they grow older, boys are more likely to be nail biters.
Hair Twirling
If you have a child who is a hair twirler, it’s likely to be your daughter. Most children who twist, stroke, or pull their hair are girls.
Hair twirling may start in early childhood and can be a precursor to hair pulling, with or without hair loss. Many hair twirlers and pullers stop as they grow older. For those who don’t, simple behavior modification can help them break the habit.
However, for those who start hair pulling in their older childhood or teenage years, the habit is harder to break and may indicate anxiety, depression, or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
Nose Picking
Nose picking is a habit that, although it usually begins in childhood, can persist into adulthood. If you find that hard to believe, consider that a 1995 study of adults found that 91% picked their noses regularly, and about 8% of them admitted to eating what they picked!
Thumb Sucking
Kids’ preference for sucking their thumbs likely stems from the thumb coming into contact with the mouth during movements made as infants. Some children also suck their fingers, hands, or even their entire fists in addition to, or instead of, their thumbs.
Most thumb suckers are younger children, with up to half of 2- to 4-year-olds sucking their thumbs. Many kids suck their thumbs to calm and comfort themselves. However, frequent or intense thumb sucking beyond the ages of 4 to 5 can cause problems, including dental issues (such as an overbite), thumb or finger infections, and teasing from peers.
What Causes a Habit?
Experts aren’t always certain what causes a habit, but they do know that these are learned behaviors that usually provide a positive outcome for the child.
Habits may develop as entertainment for a bored child or, more commonly, as a coping mechanism to soothe an anxious one. The next time you notice nail biting or hair twirling, try to recall if your child has recently experienced stress. If so, the behavior might be your child’s way of relieving tension, similar to how you might work out at the gym to de-stress. On the other hand, some kids engage in habits when they’re relaxed, such as before falling asleep or quietly listening to music.
Some habits may be remnants from infancy. For example, thumb sucking is a common self-comfort behavior in infants, associated with the pleasure of feeding and the relief of hunger. This behavior may persist into childhood due to its positive associations.
Or perhaps the explanation for your child’s nail biting can be found by looking in the mirror. Do you bite your nails? Studies suggest that nail biting may have a strong familial or genetic component.
Other children engage in habits to attract attention or to manipulate their parents. If kids feel ignored by their parents, they may continue the annoying habit because they know it will elicit a reaction from Mom or Dad.
Coping With Your Child’s Habit
The good news is that most habits disappear, usually by the time a child reaches school age, because the child no longer needs them or outgrows them.
But if you think it’s time to help your child break a habit, consider these steps:
- Calmly Point Out the Behavior
- Calmly point out what you don’t like about the behavior and why. This approach can be used with kids as young as 3 or 4 to help increase awareness of the problem. Say something like, «I don’t like it when you bite your nails. It doesn’t look nice. Could you try to stop doing that?» Most importantly, the next time you see the nail biting, don’t scold or lecture. Punishment, ridicule, or criticism could cause the behavior to increase.
- Involve Your Child
- Involve your child in the process of breaking the habit. If your 5-year-old comes home crying from kindergarten because the other kids made fun of his thumb sucking, understand that this is a way of asking you for help. Parents can ask their kids what they think they could do to stop the habit or if they want to stop the habit. Come up with some ways to work on breaking the unwanted habit together.
- Suggest Alternative Behaviors
- Suggest alternative behaviors. For example, if your child is a nail-biter, instead of saying, «Don’t bite your nails,» try saying, «Let’s wiggle our fingers.» This will increase awareness of the habit and may serve as a reminder. To occupy your child’s attention, try providing a distraction, like helping you in the kitchen or working on a craft.
- Reward and Praise Self-Control
- Reward and praise self-control. For example, allow your little girl to use nail polish if she lets her nails grow. Or every time your son refrains from sucking his thumb, reinforce the positive behavior by praising him and giving him a sticker or other small prize.
- Be Consistent in Rewarding Good Behavior
- Be consistent in rewarding good behavior. If you fail to notice good behavior, it will disappear over time. The new, positive habit must be firmly established before the old one will disappear.
For the best success, it’s important that kids be motivated to break the habit. And because habits take time to develop, they’re also going to take time to be replaced by alternative behaviors, so be patient.
When Is a Habit No Longer Just a Habit?
In some cases, a habit is the result or cause of a physical or psychological problem. For example, a nose-picker might be uncomfortable because there’s actually an object stuck in the nose. Additionally, habits themselves can lead to medical complications, such as:
- Nosebleeds in the nose picker
- Ingrown or infected nails in the nail biter
- Dental problems, such as malocclusion (when the teeth in the upper and lower jaws do not meet properly), or thumb or finger infections in the thumb sucker
A habit may no longer be a simple habit if it negatively affects a child’s social relationships or interferes with daily functioning.
Older kids who constantly suck their thumb might be experiencing significant stress or anxiety. If children are teased at school or have difficulty talking because they won’t take their thumbs out of their mouths, the behavior has gone beyond a simple habit. Kids who pull their hair out may have trichotillomania, a condition that results in hair loss. Habits that are responses to obsessive thoughts may be signs of OCD.
However, most habits don’t cause significant problems and tend to improve as kids get older. But if you’re concerned about your child’s habits, talk with your doctor.