Talking to your child about a military deployment can be challenging, as it often involves addressing their fears and uncertainties while managing your own emotions. It is important to approach the conversation with honesty, sensitivity, and reassurance to help them understand and cope with the changes ahead. By providing age-appropriate explanations, acknowledging their feelings, and emphasizing the support system around them, parents can help ease the transition. Preparing your child for the separation while maintaining a sense of connection and routine can make this period more manageable for the entire family.
How to Tell Your Child About a Parent’s Military Deployment
Explaining to your child that a parent has to leave for military service can be challenging. You want to prepare them for the changes ahead without causing unnecessary worry. It’s best to be honest, explaining that mom or dad has to go away to serve the country. These tips can help guide you through this conversation.
- Talk to Your Child as Soon as Possible: Once you know the deployment date, give your child advance notice. This is especially important if the deployment will bring significant changes, like moving to a new place, starting a new school, or having a new primary caregiver.
- Tailor the Explanation to Your Child’s Age and Maturity: Use words, examples, or analogies your child understands.
- Younger children might not grasp the concept of a long absence. Instead, use specific examples like, «Mommy won’t be there to take you to school in the mornings,» or «Daddy won’t be back until after Christmas.» To ease separation anxiety, reassure them that the parent will come back home. Young children often worry about daily routines, such as, «Who will tuck me in at night?» Let them know who will be there to care for them. Make a list together of things that help them feel secure, like who will take them to school or read bedtime stories. Share this information with the other parent or caregiver before deployment.
- Older kids and teens may have more complex concerns, such as the length of the deployment and the parent’s safety. Reassure them as much as possible, explaining that the deployed parent is well-trained and that efforts are made to keep them safe.
- Share Your Own Feelings: Letting kids know that you feel nervous or sad shows that their emotions are normal and that it’s okay to talk about them. Suggest coping strategies, like engaging in a fun activity, singing a song, dancing, or drawing pictures.
- Plan Ways to Stay Connected: Remind your child that it’s normal to miss the parent who is away. Discuss ways to keep in touch, such as through emails, texts, letters, photos, and videos. Consider creating a routine, like thinking of each other at the same time every day, to maintain a sense of connection.
- Avoid Overloading Your Child: Refrain from telling your child they need to «be the head of the house» while one parent is away. Children need to remain kids, even during tough times. Instead, reassure them that doing their best is enough, even if it might be challenging.
- Spend Extra Time Together: The parent preparing for deployment should spend quality one-on-one time with their child in the days and weeks before leaving. These moments create lasting memories for the child to hold onto until the parent returns.